Happy Birthday, Dad!

Today is my dad’s birthday. He would have been 65 years old this year. Its been a decade 14 years since he left us. Yet, he’s still –and always!- alive in our heart and mind.

Have you ever heard a quote “There’s nothing like  a relationship between a father and his little girl?” I think its right.

My dad and I have always been extremely close. I’m not even sure why, but I’ve always been a daddy’s girl.  We understood each other like no one else, probably because we were so much alike. Both hard working and very stubborn-LOL-.

My dad was the smartest person I know.  He could make, build, paint, or fix just about anything. He could build his own television, im not kidding! He was also the best pediatrician I ever knew. He knew everything, literally A to Z about anything. Just ask him, and he would answer it. He was really good at Math, Physics, Biology, but he was also very good at Bahasa and Music. He liked to sing, he sang everytime! He even won A Bintang Radio contest one time. (Too bad, apparently it doesn’t run in the blood. Well I wish:p) He was a great cook. He could cook anything, from traditional foods to modern, from snack to beverages.

My dad was the most caring person I know. He was really warm to every of his little patients. Do you know that there were many children that named after my dad? My dad was also animal lover. He took care of a bird once, with its broken leg near our home. He nursed the bird by himself. He also took care of a neglected dog –one of our dogs- for almost 13 years. That dog, Boy, was died not so long after my dad passed away. Our home was like a zoo. My dad had dogs, rabbits, birds, hamsters, iguanas, even monkey! He fed those pets just like he fed me and my brother. He always made sure to put blanket (a real one!) for our dogs every single night. (It also doesn’t run in the blood. Im too scared to deal with animals haha).

My dad was the strongest person I know. He always won in any kind of sports. He was really healthy. I never saw him sick. Well, at least until he was diagnosed with cancer when I was still in elementary school (He was 39 years old that time). I knew nothing except that my dad’s sick and he had to go for a while to have a chemotherapy. My mom and dad were busy going back and forth from our hometown to Jakarta. After a year, my dad told me that the cancer had gone. We were so happy and did a family celebration for him. I was so proud of him.  

After the cancer remission, my dad was really careful. He never ate anything that was not taken from our own garden. Our vegetables in the garden were organic. He cooked everything himself, without any MSG or additives. He taught us to live our life in a healthy way.

One day when I was in high school, my mom called me. She was crying. She told me that my dad had been diagnosed (again) with cancer. But I was really optimistic. My dad was a survivor for once, so I was sure he would be a survivor too this time.

Unfortunately, I knew for awhile that I didn’t have much longer time with my dad as he had been slowly but sure losing his health. Trust me, there’s nothing worse in this world than watching someone you love so much slowly slip away and not being able to do a thing about it.  I still remember clearly when my dad told me that he didn’t want to suffer in the hospital anymore and wanted to go home. I was crying and crying, so was my mom and my brother. But we respected his will.

 It was really difficult sleeping each night wondering if when I woke up, my dad would be gone.  I still remember how the sound of his oxygen tank in the night. I still remember clearly his moans of pain.

I would sit by his side and watch him sleep. I was really clueless. I wish I were a doctor so I could help him. But I were not a doctor. I were only a high school student who knew nothing. One thing I knew, maybe if I kept praying for a miracle so hard, the dad I once knew would come back- even for just 1 day.   The dad that would talk endlessly for hours, tease me, and call me with those annoying nicknames. Usually, I got mad at him for calling me with those nicknames, but i would gladly hear that anytime, as long as he came back.

I didn’t get the privillege to hold his hand on his last day on earth. I was 500 miles away from him when he was gone.  That day, I was really anxious because he didn’t return my call nor replied my message. I called my mom, and she said "Everything’s okay, just keep praying for your dad."

I dont know how or why, but I knew for sure that there’s something wrong with him. I started crying. I kept praying for a miracle, until it flashed through my mind. His struggle for EVERY SINGLE day. I remembered his moans of pain, and I changed my pray. From asking for a miracle to bring my dad back to giving the best for him.

When my mom called that night to tell me that he’s gone, after “Innalillahi wa inna ilaihi rojiun”, I said “Alhamdulillah”. I thanked Allah Swt for loving my dad more than we do. I thanked Allah Swt for ending my dad’s pains.

There’s not a single day that I don’t think about my dad and miss him like crazy.   I would give it all up just to spend one full day with my dad, because I just miss him that much.

For those of you who are lucky enough to still have your dads with you, take a moment and remind yourself of how fortunate and how blessed you are.  

*

Dear Dad,

How are you?

Are you having a birthday party there? Im sure nasi kuning or cake tastes even better in heaven;)

We do have a lot to catch-up! Probably you already knew about this, but I am now a pediatrician. I wish I could be a great one, just like you. Im still an announcer, but unfortunately up until now, im not a popstar like Britney Spears LOL. Do you remember that joke? The one that I kept telling you, I would be like her one day. Well its not happening. I don’t think it will anyway:D

I just published my 5^th book. I know you don’t like the idea of me being a writer, but im sure you would still be proud of me. Do you still remember Sarah Sechan? You knoooooow, that MTV’s VJ that I adored, and made me want to be a VJ? She now has her own talkshow, really cool and really famous. And I am invited to her show to talk about my book. Im sure if you were there, you would take sooooo many pictures of me and her:))

Your granddaughter is doing great, very talkative with never ending questions. Sometimes, I imagined if you were here, she would really happy to ask any questions to you. You were the smartest person I knew, so im sure there’s no problem to answer her. (For me it’s a whole new problem since her questions are beyond my mind LOL).

Mom is doing great too. So is brother. He was devastated when he lost his son, but he is expecting a baby soon:D Have you met Zaza? Im sure you are happy playing with him. He looked a lot like you.

Happy heavenly birthday dad! I miss you, and I wish we could meet later in heaven:*

Love,

Your (always) little girl

PS: It took a couple days for me to write this because everytime i started, i always got so emotional --> kan emang cengeng:p