I just bought a parenting magazine, and found out that today (June 9th) is father’s day. There are some articles in the magazine about fathers, and suddenly i really miss my dad.
I write this letter in my blog because i dont know how to send it to heaven:)
It’s been almost ten years, how’ve you been doing? Im sure you’re happy there.
I have so many memories of you that makes me sometimes smile to my self, laugh or even want to cry.
I remember how you used to take me to your clinic, asked me to help you register patients, weigh babies, or just accompany you while you were examining those kids. You always said that i will be a pediatrician too, just like you, because you knew i really like kids (even when i was a kid too).
I remember when you would get in the mood to make meals for us. Meatballs, risoles, lapis, anything. You always cook for us no matter how busy you were. Do you remember dad, you made me pastel that i like almost in the middle of the night after your clinic shift over. I also remember how happy i were when Idul Fitri came. I helped you make those delicious ketupat in takbiran’s night. Your cook still is the best for me anyway:D
I remember when i was a little girl, amazed by those movies and shows on television, and i told you i want to be on tv. You laughed out loud, and i cried:p But then, you told me that there’s nothing impossible if you try.
I remember how much you like to listen to radio. And i said to you, 'hey i want to be an announcer so that i could play every song you want me to.' You just laughed and said, ‘you have too much desire’.
I remember how much did i hate the sundanese’s lesson. I didnt get any point of the language, But you were so patient to teach me. I remember when i was pointed by school to join the Sinden’s competition. I was desperate, how come i sing a song in a language that i dont even understand? But you –again- were so patient to teach me how. You were always there to teach me and brother math, physic, biology or even those sport’s theories. No matter how late you came from clinic, no matter how tired you were, you always ready to teach us.
I remember how often you took a picture of me. You like photography, and you always made me your model. Remember when i told you that i want to be a model? You were only smiling at me, and said ‘yeah, we’ll see, why not?’
Hey dad, do you remember how strict you were to us? –well, especially me-
I still remember you punched one of my taekwondo’s teacher just because you saw him snap at me. I was so ashamed that time dad, but i know you did that just because you love me:). I remember you mad at our elementary school’s teacher because she hit brother for his grade. I was ashamed, and so was brother. But we know, you did it because you care about us.
Do you remember how mad you were if we were come late from school, even for only five minutes? Or if you found out that we bought snacks at school? You always said that those foods were unhealthy and if there any snacks that we want, we should just tell you, and you would make it for us.
I remember when our school held study tour to Yogyakarta. Of course, you didnt permit us. But you were willing to drive us there by yourself, whereas you were very busy with clinic. When i had my high school prom, you were also willing to deliver and pick me up after.
I remember when i was sick, you were 24 hours doctor for me. You took care of me by yourself, you cook foods that i like since i losted my appetite.
Do you remember dad, when i joined the national writing competition in elementary school,you read what i wrote and said that i could be a good writer. I like writing since i was kid. You and mom were always be my first readers. You didnt say anything when my first writing was published in national newspaper, but i know you were really proud. So was Mom. You were always telling everyone about this over and over again.
I remember every single time i got the first rank in school, or the best grade, you and mom never say something about it. You never bought me gift or reward for that. You always said that best grade, first rank is not an achievement, but its an obligation for a student like me. You always said that i have to be the best because i deserved it. But sometimes when i got a bad grade, you would come to me, smiled and said ‘its owkay, you could do better next time. Even Einstein makes mistakes’.
There are many lessons i took from you dad. How to work hard, to be a family person, to be punctual, dicipline, etc. Im not sure whether what i am now is what you want me to be or not. But i do my best, dad. Im on my way to be a pediatrician, i have already my own book published, i have my own show in local television, i had my own show in national television,im an announcer and guess what, i often do photo sessions for magazines:D
i remember you said that i must not cry, for any reason. I should be tough, because God will always protect me. Remember? Im sorry dad, but i couldnt hold it whenever i miss you.
Days after you’re gone were really hard for me. Knowing that there will be no longer you beside me, to hear my stories, to share my laugh with makes me sometimes feel blue. But dont worry dad, i know you will always watch me up there, right?:)
Dont worry about me, dad. Im fine. Im married already, and i have a lovely daughter.I will tell her how great her grand father was. Im sure you will be very happy to know my husband and my daughter. But then again, im sure you've already known. I know you're watching us from up there.
Dont worry about brother too, dad. He’s already married to a good girl. And guess what, he’s a doctor, haha. We know how much he hates medical things, but well at last he is a doctor now.
And mom? She’s also very happy now with our family. She loves to take care her grand daughter, and –yeah!- still does her shopaholic things:D
Dad, I don't only love you for all that you did for me, I love you for the person you were, for the thousands of lives you save every second of yours, including mine. I love you for who you truly were, your eternal joy and your unconditional love. I might not say ‘ i love you’ as much as i should. But im sure you know that already.
I have to stop writing this or else, i could cry a river, something you really hate:p
Thank you dad, for everything:)
Your little girl